Our brains love certainty - we spend a good deal of our time predicting what will happen next based on our experience. Uncertainty gives us a sense of discomfort, anxiety or even fear. When the situation is uncertain, and it then resolves, we often feel relief or even happiness.

Status in the SCARF model is a social need is all about “Where do I fit?” And “How well am I doing?”. Status is a comparative factor - we are constantly comparing ourselves to both other people and (more often) ourselves. We compare ourselves to ourselves through the dimension of time - how much better or worse am I compared to where I was this time last week, last month, last game

One significant dynamic that operates all of the time when we are conscious is the pain-reward ‘system’. Our brains are always assessing, without our knowledge or permission, the likely pain or reward outcome of actions and goals. SCARF is a model, steeped in brain research, that explains the social dynamics of moving away from pain or toward reward.

The alternative and more desirable mind state is much more socially oriented. The ‘Blue Zone’ or ‘Blue Brain’ is a mind state that emerges from a balance of activity in the cognitive, sensory, language and emotional regions in the brain. People who are more active in these areas of the brain have quite different behaviours and attitudes.

Knowing at least a little about the brain can be tremendously helpful. Perhaps surprisingly, not everything that is does, either ‘with us’, ‘for us’ or ‘against us’, is helpful. Most of what the brain is doing is inaccessible to our conscious minds, and the more we know the more we can manage.

Consider these two questions:

How comfortable are you in committing to learning and growth?

How comfortable are you in receiving feedback?

You’ll probably find that your answers are diametrically opposed. You’ll probably be similarly placed when the context shifts from yourself to others. We are nearly always wanting to make a difference to the growth of others, yet we have an aversion to giving them feedback. Feedback is the very foundation of learning and growth - without it we stifle and real development.

So what do you need to be good and comfortable at giving (or receiving) feedback?

Sometimes distractions irritate us, and sometimes the sneak up on us, seducing us without our awareness and stealing our attention.. How can you stop this? In reality, you probably can’t. So what can you do? German train stations give us a wonderful metaphor…