How to stop distractions when you are meant to be listening

Actually, you can’t. Creating a totally quiet mind, at least for the average person, is one of the great myths of both listening and mindfulness. The nirvana of a peaceful, empty mind is all but impossible without the right training and best environment.

Photo by Hangah Liong on Unsplash

Imagine that you are at one of those lovely German railway stations, standing on one of the overpasses. The trains that you see coming and going represent distractions in the moment of listening. Oftentimes, when we are listening, we drift off in our own world, or we become attached to a solution or opinion that we must express. Sometimes we get caught up in the story and become lost listeners. Each of these circumstances is the metaphorical equivalent of joining a train for its journey, often without even knowing.

You see, as you are listening, you hear words at about the rate of 400 words per minute (wpm). The person you are listening to can speak at about 125 wpm. It is immediately obvious that, as you listen, there is time for plenty of trains to come and go. Just as it is impossible for you to physically stop a train, so too is it impossible to stop most distractions.

The trick is to acknowledge any distraction in the same way as you would see a train come and then go. Energy spent trying to stop a distraction is not only wasted, it can lead to greater attention on, and then frustration with the distraction.

So don't admonish yourself for being momentarily distracted. The first key step is to become more aware of when this happens. Then, when it does, acknowledge the distraction in the same way you would notice a train on the platform. This objectification helps you stay more distant. Then, return your attention to the speaker.

While this sounds a little labourious, in reality these three steps can occur in an instant. Repeating this cycle of awareness, acknowledgement and return builds your self-regulation 'muscle'. It also makes you a better listener, for good listeners are all to rare in our world today.