These three things are killing your ability to say what needs to be said

Feedback, challenging unwanted behaviours, dealing with difficult people are all hard work at the best of times. They tend to be both cognitively and emotionally draining. Yet, handled well, they leverage a ton of learning, growth and ‘brand value’.

When you do get this right, especially as a leader, many benefits emerge, none the least the emergence of a culture of caring honesty. People know that challenging ideas, opinions and even behaviours is safe, particularly because this culture separates these ideas, opinions and behaviours from the person.

In the work I do, I see three things that constantly get in the way of having effective conversations that matter, ones that lead to growth, change and/or learning.

People ignore their brains

Brains are weird and complex things, and without our permission and even knowledge, our brains do a whole heap of things that both help and hinder. Learning about mind and brain in the context of feedback, challenge and even conflict is a crucial step in building your conversational leadership skill.

People don’t know the best language to use

Many of us are never really taught how to say things better. Often, our linguistic patterns and repertoire is adopted and osmosed over the years, creating language habits that we use constantly. Comparing this default language against both the impact of mind and brain, and against a language framework is one way of combatting this problem. A further, crucial step is to use such a framework to rewire your language habits. Once you align the words you say with this framework, one I call The Conversation Toolkit, your messaging begins to land and have deeper impact and influence.

People don’t plan or practice.

I often say, the more a conversation matters, the more you should plan and practice. But most people either don’t or can’t do this. A planning process is needed, and you need a buddy or confidante to practice you conversation with.

I see it time and time again - when a message is well crafted, and it is practiced, and it aligns with what the brain is doing, success happens. Without approaching each of these three problems, you are more than likely to remain below the line in the conversation personas model.