Listening is the Key

Most of our listening hard-wiring is set to interact autobiographically. In other words, when we listen, we are listening for ourselves, not for the speaker. Our listening for ourselves could be still noble in intent – listening to detail to solve the problem and help the speaker by telling them what to do for instance. Or, it could be that our autobiographical listening is truly for ourselves: listening to the conversation to be able to trump the speaker. The thing is, we are not wired, taught or shown how to listen for the listener.

Think of a time that you were in the presence of a person that just listened to you. No judgement, not opinion, no solution. How did you feel? What did you notice about your thinking? Has this, indeed, ever happened to you?

Now think of a time when you needed time and space to think, and someone to listen, but your listener hurried your thinking, proffered solutions and answers and gave you their opinion. Does this happen often for you? How do you react to this circumstance? Most would say that, while this is the more common outcome, the effectiveness towards learning, growth and an eventual solution is reasonably low.

The secret, as outlined by David Rock in Quiet Leadership, is to listen with the generous expectation that the answer will emerge from the speaker. For many this is a quantum leap in listening purpose. The urge to give the solution is hard-wired and habitual. Yet, when one steps away from analysis and just quietly observes, without judgement and solution seeking, the speaker is far more enabled to engage with their own thinking, potential and future.

Listen deeply, to the words, the pitch, the language, the body, the face, the eyes and to the thinking.

Listen with a quiet mind.